june 16 2024

I need my life to be authentic and filled with love. I need the people around me to mirror this desire. I need reality to bend into the shape of my redemption.

I’m a sinner, I’m a saint, I’m a loverlover motherfucker.

I spent so many years bleeding out, leaks all over the place. I spent so many years not looking forward. But as I lay here, under a West Coast sun, I am watching all the cracks being filled. I am messy. I am whole. I am perfect. I am full of what I want to put out into the world.

And it matters to me, what I put out. I care about myself and my loved ones and the future of the human race. I care about music and art and children and making a lot of money. I care about my dignity and about what we leave behind when we die. I care about my friends and their lives and I care about happiness actually meaning something more than a passing feeling.

I want to be so full of life I get dizzy. I want to dip my toes into glacier water in the afternoon and bend over on stage in front of a thousand people in the evening. I want to leave purple lipstain kisses everywhere I go. I want to be the villain in some stories and the hero in others. I want to be an honest hypocrite. I want to be a billionaire business bitch. I want to save the world and lead the people towards salvation and then dip.

I want to free, so free so free so free so free.