may 10 2024

Years ago, when I had not yet become myself, I would have reoccurring dreams about being chased. It was always some demonic, half-man, half-animal type of creature skulking through city streets or heavy forests, looking for me. Death in his eyes.

In these dreams, I am always hiding or running, fear beating a hole through my chest. I usually awoke right before the man-animal would catch and kill me. Sometimes I would wake up as he was ripping me to shreds.

Months later, once I had become myself, I had one final dream about this creature. The beginning of the dream is the usual - I am hiding and running and he is chasing me. He catches me. He is about to bite into the flesh of my neck. I wrestle free and turn around, a blunt knife is in my hands. I stab him through the heart. I stab him to death. I am covered in blood and bones and yellow fur and intestinal lining and I do not stop. I scream. We are in some kind of a meadow, in the middle of the city and I am straddling him and he is dead now. I look up at the sun, shaking. I wake up.