october 29 2024

I send the final mixes of my album off to mastering and clap my hands together. The sound ricochets around my office like a bullet. Everything is happening. And now suddenly, I don’t have much else to do.

It’s so quiet in this room. I listen to the sound of my laptop fan whirring in place. The downstairs neighbours are arguing in Ukranian again. The sky is grey but it won’t rain. My lover has gone out and I’m alone with my thoughts. I call no one. I don’t speak. I don’t even tweet. Sweet solitude for the loner girl, the one who runs with wolves.

I curl up on the couch, in the corner of the room and let out a heavy exhale. I stretch my back like a cat and hoist my bum in the air. I shake out my hair. I dangle my feet off the cushioned arm and lean my head back to look at the empty wall above the left side of my desk. I see no shadows. There is no one there.

I tip my head forward and come face to face with my master’s degree, framed in dark wood. The frame itself cost me $300 that I did not have at the time but I bought it anyway. I wanted this piece of paper to feel special, to mean something. I stare at it. I blow it a kiss and get up.

I twirl around the room and raise my hands above my head. I’m dancing now. I’m humming now. Everything is a blur and for once, for now, I don’t have much else to do.