an apparition of the future

I want to be raw and brave and special. I want a whole new life, something rare and true.

I’m trying, and failing, to spend less time on my phone. The apps are eating at my mind, eating at the essence of me.

I want to talk shit but unfortunately I can’t because I’ve made a commitment to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me god. So help me, God!

I’ve started trading crypto again and I’m taking a very specific combination of 9 different vitamins.

I feel a tugging on my soul. I recognize something kindred.

I just feel like my life has to mean something more than Spotify stats and pulling up to the fest in a look with a sick crew.

I’m feeling better now so I hold my breath and don’t move a muscle. I don’t want to ruin it. I don’t want time to start ticking and my hormones to start bitching and this voice in my head to get any louder.

It’s incredible - the way that the right words and a wrought iron voice can have that kind of effect.

having your period is like taking drugs - you become both manic depressive turbo bitch and divine feminine Delphic goddess all in one.

Sometimes I’m afraid of my own mind. I’ve barely got a handle on what goes on in there. Every single light is switched on and has been for weeks at a time. The bulbs are hot. The air is electric. The rooms are filled to the brim. A miracle - there is somehow always more space.

At midnight, my lover fucks me so good, my whole body sings and I descend into a deep sleep.

The sound ricochets around my office like a bullet. Everything is happening. And now suddenly, I don’t have much else to do.

condensation crystals cling to the single pane glass of the balcony windows and I’m thinking about how early the sun sets these days.